my thoughts

7-26
i found out today that her mom has to have surgery again so i sent her a text to see if she was ok ---no reply--- er mom has breast cancer so i am concerned for both her and her mom.  i know we have had a real rocky 3 weeks but i cannot believe how she is actin now, its so unfair  i just dont know what she is thinking or what her reasoning behind all this is she has gone out of her way to hurt me and make my life hell just to push me away  i dont know if by chance she feels she needs to push me out of her life to be happy with him but if that is the case she cant truly be happy with him.

some more thoughts this afternoon.  i accidently texted her my good news about ful time employment  but never got an answer .. it was accidental i just picked alot of ppl to text it to ...i dont want to remove her from my phone in hopes that she will start to contact me but i wish she would it would make me feel at least a little better.  i guess writing this has eased my pains a little bit but i still miss my best friend more than anything ... i just wish she would get over whatever shes on and realize that friendship is important.for the longest time my life was her ... and i know its not now but i would still like her to be a part of it.  one day maybe she will read this and understand  and maybe not .. right now i dont know if she is ever going to talk to me ... on sunday i think i might send her an email asking her again   but i wont do anything about it until then i dont really have alot to say but i do worry for her and care about her ... and im worried about her mom and the surgery... i hope its nothign major and i hope it all goes well