7-27

this morning was a bad monring .. i woke up with tears and a little dsisoreinted... i was having a wierd dream ... i guess you could say it was a bad dream but in a way it wasnt ... i wont go into details of the dream but i woke up and tried to grab on to someone but soon realized that she was not there ... and hasnt been there for a while.  i had to fight myself hard this morning not to message her and im still fighting it ... i just want to be able to talk to her  and i still dont understand why that is so hard for her to understand  and if she does understand that why she would continue doing this to me ....i just dont understand it .... i will be sending her a email on sunday or saturday to see how her mom is and i might ask her in there if shes decided she wants to talk to me yet